Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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