Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
