If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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