So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
