There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize