Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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