yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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