I wish my penis had an off switch
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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