Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
