I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
