I cut my penus on the lid.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
