never play flip cup with pint glasses
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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