After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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