its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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