I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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