it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
