I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
