drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
