At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
