its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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