We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
