I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
