So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
