gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
