She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
