I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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