he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
