When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
