I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
