I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
