So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
