I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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