I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize