I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
