Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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