I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were trust falling into bushes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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