guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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