I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
