Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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