He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
