don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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