after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
