I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You can't motorboat a personality
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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