i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
