Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
