I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
