Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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