I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
