Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
