My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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