Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
