God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
