i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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