I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
