Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
