the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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