something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's shark week go big or go home
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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