Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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