i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize