After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
