clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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