he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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