And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
