OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
